Perspective

My work is done on this second work-from-home day this week. And it is lovely and cool and raining outside my 4 open windows (after being a stifling 96 yesterday which equates to about 106 in this office). And Sami is starting on hour 3 of her nap. And all I have to do this evening is laundry. And I don't even mind that. And I'm feeling about a bazillion times calmer than yesterday.

I had a lot of work work to get done yesterday. Stuff people were waiting for. And Sami was in a Mood. At one point she asked for some cookies. I brought her chocolate Teddy Grahams -- the only cookie in the house. She told me those weren't what she wanted and described the ones she wanted. I explained to her that those other ones were all gone last week. She FLUNG the bowl of cookies I'd brought her. I very calmly told her how angry and sad that made me, and picked them up and put them out of her reach. She then came in and wanted to sit on my lap while I was working. I told her I didn't want to sit with her right then since she had made me so sad about the cookies. She flew into a rage. Her little face got bright red, and she grabbed the under side of my upper arm and just dug in her nails. It hurt so bad and I could barely break her grip. I stayed calm but that just seemed to make her madder, and before I knew it, she grabbed me and bit me in the lower back on the side. Hard. It hurt so, so bad. I put her on the floor. Told her she was absolutely NEVER to bite or pinch. And told her I had to spank her for it. I popped her on the diaper so softly it did nothing; except humiliate her. Well, and even humiliate is too strong a word. It just put an exclamation point on what I was trying to tell her. Then I picked her up and put her in her crib in her room and shut the door. Mostly I did that because I needed to have a break from her--needed a little space between us. It was a day filled with things like that. Her flinging things in anger and just being a brat.

Now, last week Michael and I had a talk about discipline matters. And how we kind of think we're letting her call a few too many shots around here as a result, I believe, of our exhaustion at times. Like, it is easier to just give in and let her have her way with small things like watching f-ing Barney, or having pretzels an hour before dinner, or little things like that. So we decided to be a bit more strict and steel ourselves for her little meltdowns instead of allowing her meltdowns--or the promise of an ensuing meltdown--to aggravate us into letting her have her way. So I think she's sensed this clamping down a bit plot. And she's rebelling against it.

She seems to be testing to see just what will and will not fly at this point. But geesh. She just uses up all my patience and tolerance and then I find myself snapping at Michael over nothing.

Anyway, when all was said and done and she was calmed down and I talked to her about the very visible bite on my side, she started crying all over again but this time I could see she was embarrassed and feeling badly about it. I hugged her and held her and told her we all lose control of our emotions and have hard times, and that it was okay. She melted into me in that heavy way and stayed that way for an extra long 'hold.' And trust me, it's true. We do all have hard times with controlling our emotions.

Anyway, no time for a lengthy entry. But maybe it takes days like yesterday to make me so appreciate days like today. Maybe I need the perspective.